All isn’t fair in love and romance today, as 43% of people in a committed relationship said they have felt pressured by their own partners to share logins, passcodes, and/or locations. A worrying 7% admitted that this type of pressure has included the threat of breaking up or the threat of physical or emotional harm.

These are latest findings from original research conducted by Malwarebytes to explore how romantic couples navigate shared digital access to one another’s devices, accounts, and location information.

In short, digital sharing is the norm in modern relationships, but it doesn’t come without its fears.

While everybody shares some type of device, account, or location access with their significant other (100% of respondents), and plenty grant their significant other access to at least one personal account (85%), a sizeable portion longs for something different—31% said they worry about “how easy it is for my partner to track what I’m doing and where I am all times because of how much we share,” and 40% worry that “telling my partner I don’t want to share logins, PINs, and/or locations would upset them.”

By surveying 500 people in committed relationships in the United States, Malwarebytes has captured a unique portrait of what it means to date, marry, and be in love in 2024—a part of life that is now inseparable from smart devices, apps, and the internet at large.

The complete findings can be found in the latest report, “What’s mine is yours: How couples share an all-access pass to their digital lives.” You can read the full report below.

Here are some of the key findings:

• Partners share their personal login information for an average of 12 different types of accounts.
• 48% of partners share the login information of their personal email accounts.
• 30% of partners regret sharing location tracking.
• 18% of partners regret sharing account access. The number is significantly higher for men (30%).
• 29% of partners said an ex-partner used their accounts to track their location, impersonate them, access their financial accounts, and other harms.
• Around one in three Gen Z and Millennial partners report an ex has used their accounts to stalk them.

But the data doesn’t only point to causes for concern. It also highlights an opportunity for learning. As Malwarebytes reveals in this latest research, people are looking for guidance, with seven in 10 people admitting they want help navigating digital co-habitation.

According to one Gen Z survey respondent:

“I feel like it might take some effort (to digitally disentangle) because we are more seriously involved. We have many other kinds of digital ties that we would have to undo in order to break free from one another.”

That is why, today, Malwarebytes is also launching its online resource hub: Modern Love in the Digital Age. At this new guidance portal, readers can learn about whether they should share their locations with their partners, why car location tracking presents a new problem for some couples, and how they can protect themselves from online harassment. Access the hub below.

“When things go wrong” is a troubling prospect for most couples to face, but the internet—and the way that romantic partners engage both with and across it—could require that this worst-case scenario become more of a best practice.

In new research that Malwarebytes will release this month, romantic partners revealed that the degree to which they share passwords, locations, and devices with one another can invite mild annoyances—like having an ex mooch off a shared Netflix account—serious invasions of privacy—like being spied on through a smart doorbell—and even stalking and abuse.

Importantly, this isn’t just about jilted exes. This is also about people in active, committed relationships who have been pressured or forced into digital sharing beyond their limit.

The proof is in the data.

When Malwarebytes surveyed 500 people in committed relationships, 30% said they regretted sharing location tracking with their partner, 27% worried about their partners tracking them through location-based apps and services, and 23% worried that their current partner had accessed their accounts without their permission.

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Plenty of healthy, happy relationships share digital access through trust and consent. For those couples, mapping out how to digitally separate and insulate their accounts from one another “when things go wrong” could seem misguided.

But for the many spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, and partners who do not fully trust their significant other—or who are still figuring out how much to trust someone new—this exercise should serve as an act of security.

Here’s what people can think about when working through just how much of their digital lives to share.

Inconvenient, annoying, and just plain bothersome

A great deal of digital sharing within couples occurs on streaming platforms. One partner has Netflix, the other has Hulu, the two share Disney+, and years down the line, the couple can’t quite tell who is in charge of Apple Music and who is supposed to cancel the one-week free trial to Peacock.

This logistical nightmare, already difficult for people who are not in a committed relationship, is further complicated after a breakup (or during the relationship if one partner is particularly sensitive about their weekly algorithmic recommendations from Spotify).

If an ex maintains access to your streaming accounts even after a breakup, there’s little chance for abuse, but the situation can be aggravating. Maybe you don’t want your ex to know that you’re watching corny rom-coms, or that you’re absolutely going through it on your seventh replay of Spotify’s “Angry Breakup Mix.” These are valid annoyances that will require a password reset to boot your ex out of the shared account.

But there’s one type of shared account that should raise more caution than those listed above: A shared online shopping account, like Amazon.

With access to a shared online shopping account, a spiteful ex could purchase goods using your saved credit card. They could also keep updates on your location should you ever move and change addresses in the app. This isn’t the same threat as an ex having your real-time location, but for some individuals—particularly survivors of domestic abuse who have escaped their partner—any leak of a new address presents a major risk.

Non-consensual tracking, monitoring, and spying

When couples move into the same home, it can make sense to start sharing a variety of location-based apps.

Looking for a vacation rental online for your next getaway? You’re (hopefully) lodging together. Ordering delivery because nobody wants to make dinner? That order is being sent to the same shared address. Even some credit cards offer specific bonuses on services like Lyft, incentivizing some couples to rely more heavily on one account to score extra credits.

While sharing access between these types of accounts can increase efficiency, it’s important to know—and this may sound obvious—that many of these same shared location-based apps can reveal locations to a romantic partner, even after a breakup.

Your vacation could be revealed to an ex who is abusing their previously shared login privileges into services like Airbnb or Vrbo, or by someone peering into the trip history of a shared Uber account that discloses that a car was recently taken to the airport. Food delivery apps, similarly, can reveal new addresses after a move—a particular risk for survivors of domestic abuse who are trying to escape their physical situation.

In fact, any account that tracks and provides access to location—including Google’s own “Timeline” feature and fitness tracking devices made by Strava—could, in the wrong hands, become a security risk for stalking and abuse.

The vulnerabilities extend farther.

With the popularity of Internet of Things devices like smart doorbells and baby monitors, some partners may want to consider how safe they are from spying in their own homes. Plenty of user posts on a variety of community forums claim that exes and former spouses weaponized video-equipped doorbells and baby monitors to spy on a partner.

These scenarios are frightening, but they are part of a larger question about whether you should share your location with your partner. With the proper care and discussion, your location-sharing will be consensual, respected, and convenient for all.

Stalking and abuse

When discussing the risks around digital sharing between couples, it’s important to clarify that trustworthy partners do not become abusive simply because of their access to technology. A shared food delivery app doesn’t guarantee that a partner will be spied on. A baby monitor with a live video stream is sometimes just that—a baby monitor.

But many of the stories shared here expose the dangers that lie within arm’s reach for abusive partners. The technology alone cannot be blamed for the abuse. Instead, the technology must be scrutinized simply because of its ubiquitous use in today’s world.

The most serious concerns regarding digital access are the potential for stalking and abuse.

For partners that share devices and device passcodes, the notorious threat of stalkerware makes it easy for an abusive partner to pry into a person’s photos, videos, phone calls, text messages, locations, and more. Stalkerware can be installed on a person’s device in a matter of minutes—a low barrier of entry for couples that live with one another and who share each other’s device passcodes.

For partners who share a vehicle, a recent problem has emerged. In December, The New York Times reported on the story of a woman who—despite obtaining a restraining order against her ex-husband—could not turn off her shared vehicle’s location tracking. Because the car was in her husband’s name, he was able to reportedly continue tracking and harassing her.

Even shared smart devices have become a threat. According to reporting from The New York Times in 2018, survivors of domestic abuse began calling support lines with a bevvy of new concerns within their homes:

“One woman had turned on her air-conditioner, but said it then switched off without her touching it. Another said the code numbers of the digital lock at her front door changed every day and she could not figure out why. Still another told an abuse help line that she kept hearing the doorbell ring, but no one was there.”

The survivors’ stories all pointed to the abuse of shared smart devices.

Whereas the solutions to many of the inconveniences and annoyances that can come with shared digital access are simple—a reset password, a removal of a shared account—the “solutions” for technology-enabled abuse are far more complex. These are problems that cannot be solely addressed with advice and good cybersecurity hygiene.

If you are personally experiencing this type of harassment, you can contact the National Network to End Domestic Violence on their hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.

Making sure things go right

Sharing your life with your partner should be a function of trust, and for many couples, it is. But, in the same way that it is impossible for a cybersecurity company to ignore even one ransomware attack, it’s also improper for this cybersecurity and privacy company to ignore the reality facing many couples today.

There are new rules and standards for digital access within relationships. With the right information and the right guidance, hopefully more people will feel empowered to make the best decisions for themselves.

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Every relationship has its disagreements. Who takes out the trash and washes the dishes? Who plans the meals and writes out the grocery list? And when is it okay to start tracking one another’s location?  

Location sharing is becoming the norm between romantic partners—50% of people valued location sharing in their relationships, according to recent research from Malwarebytes—and plenty of couples have found ways to track one another’s location, with consent, in a respectful and transparent way.

But, as a cybersecurity, privacy, and identity protection company, Malwarebytes is concerned with risk, and location sharing carries significant risks within many types of relationships.

There are new relationships in which the rules around privacy and sharing are still being agreed upon, old relationships in which power imbalances are deeply entrenched, and, of course, abusive relationships in which non-consensual tracking and surveillance are used as levers of control.

As a company—and not a relationship counselor—Malwarebytes cannot endorse any reasons for location sharing between romantic partners. But Malwarebytes can provide guidance on what safe location sharing looks like, including a requirement for consent.

Importantly, Malwarebytes can also remind readers about one simple, often-forgotten fact in this conversation: You don’t have to engage in location sharing if you do not want to.

It really is as simple as that. Do not agree to location sharing in your relationship if:

• You are being pressured, coerced, or harassed into sharing your location.
• You do not trust or feel comfortable sharing your location with your partner.  
• You do not want to.

As the reasons for location sharing are valid for many couples, the reasons against it are just as valid, too. You have the right to determine the rules in your own relationship, and that includes the digital decisions that impact your feelings of privacy, safety, and trust.

Safety, security, and convenience

According to research conducted last year by Malwarebytes, location tracking among partners is popular in North America—and even more popular amongst younger generations.

When polling more than 1,000 people about their attitudes and behaviors around online privacy and cybersecurity, a full 50% agreed or strongly agreed with the statement that “monitoring my spouse’s/significant other’s online activity and/or location makes me feel they are safer.”

Similarly, 42% agreed or strongly agreed with the statement that “being able to track my spouse’s/significant other’s location when they are away is extremely important to me.” This sentiment was higher amongst Gen Z—49% felt the same way compared to the general population.

As to why location tracking has become so popular, there is little doubt. It’s about safety (or, at least, the feeling of it).

On Reddit, the question of location tracking between partners is frequently posed and is just as frequently answered: “I think it should be fine for safety reasons,” said one user in a the most popular response to a thread.

In writing for the media platform Her Campus, one Pennsylvania State University student said that, if she already shares her location with her friends for safety, “why would I not share it with someone I am involved with romantically?”

For some of the editorial staff at the healthy living brand Poosh, location sharing also provided convenience.  

“If I want to call my boyfriend for something, sometimes I’ll check his location first (if he’s at the office, for example, I won’t call),” wrote Erika Harwood, managing editor. “Or if he tells me he’s on his way home and it seems to be taking unusually long, it’s easier to just check his location and see if he’s stuck in traffic.”

Harwood continued:

“Basically, it all boils down to me trying to eliminate as many phone calls from my day as possible.”

What these explanations all share is purpose and consent. The people featured here have told their partners about location sharing, and they have identified specific reasons to engage in this practice. Because of this, these situations are hardly cause for alarm.

What Malwarebytes hopes to draw attention to, however, are starkly different situations.

Coercion, control, and crisis

Location “sharing” implies two partners who consensually share their locations with one another. But as Malwarebytes discovered last year, location “sharing” isn’t the only activity that some people engage in—it’s also location spying.

According to the same survey last year, 41% of all people admitted to monitoring their partner in some way without their partner’s permission.

That includes 16% of people who non-consensually “tracked my spouse’s/significant other’s location through an app or Bluetooth tracker (like Apple AirTags, Tile, Find My)” and 13% who non-consensually “installed monitoring software/apps on spouse’s/significant other’s devices (e.g., Life360).”

The harms here are obvious.

Non-consensual location tracking in a relationship is a clear invasion of privacy. It puts sensitive information into one partner’s hands without the other partner knowing it, and the nature of the information itself can be used to harass and stalk someone—especially after a breakup.

Non-consensual location tracking is also present in domestic abuse, particularly in instances where one partner is being spied upon with the use of “stalkerware” apps. And while those who deploy these types of invasive apps are not guaranteed to be physically abusive against their partners, several documented cases highlight the risk.

As Danielle Citron, professor of law at UVA, wrote back in 2015 about what she called “cyber stalking apps”:

“A woman fled her abuser who was living in Kansas. Because her abuser had installed a cyber stalking app on her phone, her abuser knew that she had moved to Elgin, Illinois. He tracked her to a shelter and then a friend’s home where he assaulted her and tried to strangle her. In another case, a woman tried to escape her abusive husband, but because he had installed a stalking app on her phone, he was able to track down her and her children. The man murdered his two children. In 2013, a California man, using a spyware app, tracked a woman to her friend’s house and assaulted her.”

These cases may sound extreme, but they should not be ignored. They reveal that it isn’t location sharing itself which is harmful, but rather that harmful relationships will lead to harmful forms of location tracking.

Be sure that, if you do engage in location sharing, it is with someone who you trust, on both of your agreed terms, and in a way that you can turn off the location sharing at any point in the future.

What’s the answer?

Your real-time location is extraordinarily sensitive information, and as such, access to it should be understood as a privilege, not a right. No romantic partner has a “right” to your location just because their previous partners practiced location sharing. No romantic partner should coerce or harass you into location sharing. And no, the refusal to share your location, at any stage of the relationship, is not a “red flag.”

If you do decide to share your location with your partner, be sure to follow these guidelines:

• Have an open conversation about location sharing with one another. You must obtain consent from your partner if you’re going to share your locations. Spying on your partner’s location without their consent is a breach of trust.
• Have a reason why you’re engaging in location sharing. Many problems in a relationship will not be solved by location sharing. Have a firm reason why you want to share locations and what value it will provide. If you do not have a good reason, you may not need location sharing at all.
• Set up rules about location sharing. Location sharing can be enabled on a case-by-case basis for, say, music festivals, vacations, or solo hiking trips. It can also be enabled between partners indefinitely.
• Check in periodically about whether it is working. Just because you agreed to location sharing a year ago does not mean you cannot revisit the topic. See how location sharing feels and then see if you still want it later in your relationship.

As every couple has its own rules and behaviors for success, there is no single answer to whether you should share your location with your partner. You know your partner—and yourself—best to answer this question. Be safe, whatever option you choose.

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