Taking a step into the unknown can be scary, but there are ways to feel part of something outside the world of work

• Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a problem sent in by a reader

I have worked in higher education for more than 25 years. My plan was to retire at 60, but shortly before that I was offered a prestigious teaching position abroad. I now travel between there and the UK where my husband (recently retired) lives. We have been together for more than 20 years and he has always been very supportive.

There are so many things I love about what I do, but at 63 I am getting weary. The pressure to constantly be on top of my game is exhausting. I often feel as if I am not making the most of the opportunities I have because I am so tired.

It’s obvious you feel grateful for what you have, but remember your experience is of having three siblings, not three children

• Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a relationship problem sent in by a reader

I have a strong attachment to my family – in particular my three siblings. We live in different countries but the bond is strong.

I have two children, aged six and two, but I’ve always wanted three. I know I am beyond lucky and grateful to have two. Since I had my second, I have been grappling with the internal debate “Should we have a third or not” and as I have just turned 40, it is occupying more space in my head.

Your first husband robbed you of a lot, and you have some mourning to do. But there seems to be a part of you that thinks you don’t deserve happiness

• Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a family-related problem sent in by a reader

I met my ex in our last year of high school. After a year of university we married when we were only 18. The first 10 years were rocky, with many family crises that put stress on our relationship, and at one point I left my husband. We reunited within a few months and changed our attitudes and goals. From then on I vowed to accept and find the good. We were married for 25 years, through his many infidelities and my anxieties. We didn’t have any children because he didn’t want to be a father. Finally, there was a mistress he wouldn’t set aside, and after three years I gave him an ultimatum, as gently as I could. He chose her, and divorced me. Some of the most painful words I have ever heard were: “You are a wonderful wife, beautiful and brilliant, but I don’t want you. And you deserve better than this.”

I remarried 13 years later and for 23 years have been wife to a fine man. But he is emotionally distant, while I am emotionally overflowing. I relive my first husband’s betrayal in my dreams nearly every night. In my nightmares, I am frightened when he appears and feel under his control. I wake up full of fear.