Your first husband robbed you of a lot, and you have some mourning to do. But there seems to be a part of you that thinks you donβt deserve happiness
I met my ex in our last year of high school. After a year of university we married when we were only 18. The first 10 years were rocky, with many family crises that put stress on our relationship, and at one point I left my husband. We reunited within a few months and changed our attitudes and goals. From then on I vowed to accept and find the good. We were married for 25 years, through his many infidelities and my anxieties. We didnβt have any childrenbecause he didnβt want to be a father. Finally, there was a mistress he wouldnβt set aside, and after three years I gave him an ultimatum, as gently as I could. He chose her, and divorced me. Some of the most painful words I have ever heard were:βYou are a wonderful wife, beautiful and brilliant, but I donβt want you. And you deserve better than this.β
I remarried 13 years later and for 23 years have been wife to a fine man. But he is emotionally distant, while I am emotionally overflowing. I relive my first husbandβs betrayal in my dreams nearly every night. In my nightmares, I am frightened when he appears and feel under his control. I wake up full of fear.