Centre with goal of inclusivity pursues a reassessment of the coaching and even the language of the sport

“Cricket is shit if you’re shit at cricket. But everyone has been shit at cricket. Even Ben Stokes. When someone threw a ball at him for the first time, he didn’t smash it six rows back. Ben Stokes was shit at cricket, and then he got good at cricket, and he got good quick enough to stay in it. Because anyone who’s crap at cricket for too long thinks, this is rubbish, let’s fuck off.”

Everyone wants cricket to be better. Everyone wants cricket to be more present in state schools, more open to those beyond its boundaries, less of a self-sustaining garden party. Or at least everyone says they do. Even the England and Wales Cricket Board, which has spent 30 years producing reports about how racist, sexist and elitist the game it oversees is, always with the same air of mild, patrician bafflement, as though this is all somebody else’s area of concern.

Arguably the poster-boy for Bazball, England’s vice-captain is in dire need of an innings of substance in Adelaide

“They were shocking shots. I’ll admit that every day of the week. Especially the one in Perth. It was nearly a bouncer and I’ve tried to drive it. It was just bad batting. The one in Brisbane I’ve tried to hit it for six. That’s what I mean when I say I need to rein it in a bit.”

Oh yes, Harry. This is real transgression. Inject that mild good sense into my throbbing veins. Trash talk binned. Mind games deactivated. Tell me about reining it in again. Shock me with your filthy, filthy conservatism. Talk sensible to me baby.

With the arrival of US hedge funders at Wrexham, there is no pretence any more. This is just another project, as it always was

Tea and cake. Cobble-close streets. Collectivism. Sugar rush. Hollywood fairytales. And also, as of this week, a minority owner with historical links to celebrity paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.

Wait! Welsh cakes! Welsh tea! Aggregated tourism benefits. The sloeblack, slow, black, crowblack, fishingboat-bobbing sea. And also, at one remove, historical links to deceased celebrity paedophile financier Jeffrey Epstein.